Some of you may know what I am about to share, and some of you may not. I was born in 1956 in Montreal, Canada and still live in Montreal. I am an only child and always have been. My mother had four miscarriages before I was born. Then she had a son in 1950 and unfortunately he died at the tender age of 7 months of bronchiole pneumonia. So...I ended up being an only child and the only survivor of 6.
I started public school at the age of (almost) 6 due to the fact that my birthday is in October. By the time I was in grade two I was put in a "special" class for "slow learners". I was fairly shy but nonetheless attentive and respectful, and I did the best I could in school. It turned out that I would remain in a special class right up to high school...until grade 10, when I fought hard to get back into the regular classes...and, thanks to the help, love and support of people around me, I graduated high school with no problems.
I had my share of difficulties, though...pupils in the regular classes would often call me "stupid," "retarded", "slow", "dumb", and other such names and it made it very difficult sometimes to go to school. I would get sad and felt that I "didn't belong", and would imagine being tormented all over again. The teachers were fond of me because I did the best I could in school, and I acted respectfully towards them and my fellow classmates.
As a result of what I went through in school and having been in a special class has made me sensitive to others with similar backgrounds. Some people may think that you "grow out of" being a slow learner, but this is not true. You don't grow out of it anymore than someone who is retarded or who has autism. Basically, it is a way of life and you either learn to live with it...or not.
If I am left on my own in a comfortable atmosphere or with someone who is kind and patient, I am fine...in fact, most people, including my friends, had no idea that I am a slow learner, because I did my best to hide this for decades. It was only about 4 months ago when I finally broke down and decided to share it with my friends and the government...and my doctors. I guess I didn't share it sooner because I was afraid of going through the ridicule all over again...and even losing friends. I must say that I do not tell employers this...I don't feel the need to. Fortunately I have had great employers in the past and have had a great rapport with them and have done very well on any job I have had.
It is only since November 2011 when I began to have issues...when I am in a new situation (new job, for example), when I go through a lot of stress, when the environment is not friendly and too fast paced, when someone raises their voice, I tend to freeze. This is what happened on my last job which lasted 3 weeks and ended in November 2011, as the employer laid me off. The supervisor was very abrupt, and yelled out orders, having no patience with the staff at all. The stress was too much for me, I felt as though I was in a concentration camp during the war. This may sound extreme, but this is exactly how I felt! I was physically and mentally exhausted and depleted. I try to think of it this way...if God wanted me to be there, I would still be working there.
Anyway, sorry for being so long but I thought I would share this so that you will get to know me better.
Right now I am getting help from the government (which thankfully is free because I am unemployed) as far as having the help of an employment counselor who specialized in helping those with both physical and intellectual limitations. She is very nice, non-judgemental and sincerely wants to help...and believe me, I need the help, as I want to work and be happy. I also have an appointment with my doctor next week, and at this time I will tell him about my schooling, as he hasn't been told as yet due to the fact that he has been away for a few months...the time I began sharing this with people feeling that it can only help...not hurt, right? I also have a physical limitation with my right wrist...I broke it in two places in 2007 in a work accident and have little strength in that hand. I also have osteoarthritis.
I would really appreciate your prayers on my behalf (those of you who pray). Thank you so much for listening...and for visiting me. Please feel free to share your comments on any of my posts, if you would like to.
Friday, March 09, 2012
11 comments:
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Have you ever let check out if you are not a dyslexic ? Everything you write sounds exactly like this to me. My son had to get help for the same reason and once it was detected (only at the age of 10) it went much better and today he has a super job in publicity. My friend's daughter also has the same problem and it is very hard for her to learn, but she is helped and now even started Art School at University. She is 21.
ReplyDeleteHi Gattina,
DeleteThank you so much for your reply. When I see my doctor this coming week I am hoping that he will get some kind of tests done to find out exactly what is going on. As far as I know I am not dyslexic, as I don't mix up numbers, which seems to be a common thing for this disorder. However, right now I am just praying that whatever I may have, that it will be discovered and aptly treated, if this is the case. So far a couple of people have suggested that it may be just stress...I am anxious to find out, though, as I just want to continue living my life in the best possible way. Thank you so much for sharing your own story, I really appreciate it.
You may learn in a different way, but speaking as a teacher, there is nothing wrong with your intelligence. We all learn at different paces and in different styles. I hope that you find something that works for you and a caring employer. The stress of not having a job is enough to cause many symptoms. These are tough times for many people. I have faith that you will overcome!
ReplyDeleteHi Jane,
DeleteThanks so much for your kind response. One thing I know for sure is that I am a visual learner...I get much benefit from observing and "doing". An example is this...I am living in a new area and have been for less than 3 months. I have learned much by taking buses and seeing where they go. I am learning much more this way than I would at just looking at maps. In a job situation (or let's say in most situations) I pick up things a lot more quickly when I see it being done. Another example is when I want to do a new recipe. I prefer watching a cooking show to reading a cookbook, as I can see how they are doing things.
I love your blog! I've had my challenges over the years also.I wasn't a very good student in school. I only became an avid reader after I left high school, as a result of my love for the Bible. Keep up the good work. Great blog!
ReplyDeleteHi Bobby,
DeleteThank you so much for your comment. It is refreshing to know that I am not alone. :)
I get the feeling that the bullying you experienced at shool, probably caused some insecurity, which you are still carrying with you. I've known you online for many years now, so I've noticed that there's certainly nothing 'wrong' with you! =) You're a beautiful person, intelligent, funny, and I always enjoy reading your blog entries and such. Besides, there are loads and loads of people who were never in 'slow learner' classes, but they can't figure out how to edit blog templates and so on - you can! And you figured it out by yourself, too. So, don't put yourself down =)
ReplyDeleteHi Stella,
DeleteThank you so much...your comment has really brightened my day! :)
Thank you for sharing some history, Linda. I enjoy your daily face book posts...your friend & mine, Jane Loy Ries, was kind enough to show me your work when I first started on fb. & I'll admit that I was curious about you. In my imagination, you were a professor, or at least a teacher, probably in the English dept. of some exclusive private school. Despite the fact that you learn slowly, you learn & retain what you've learned. I'm sorry that your early beginnings in school were so rough. It's hard to leave the cruelty behind...it hides in the back of your mind & nibbles away at your soul. Look at what your determination has led you to accomplish ! You have people all over the world who tune in to YOU on a daily basis. YOU brighten their days with your lovely pictures & pleasant comments. YOU can make the difference between a bad day & a good one for people who have to work for insensitive tyrants, like your former boss. Thank you for adding a rosy glow to many dark days, & for being...YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Kim,
DeleteThank you so much for your encouraging comments. Your kind words have brightened my day, and I really appreciate your taking the time to check out my posts both here and on Facebook. Hugs. :)
Thank you for sharing so candidly your life story. You certainly don't come across as a 'slow learner' - you write very well. I think I visited Montreal once when I lived in Ottawa, Canada for two years as a teenager in the '80s. What a beautiful country you have. Thanks for commenting on my blog!
ReplyDelete